Steaming into the bosom of mediocrity

Click for more photos Logie Awards Brynne Edelston has some finishing touches on the red carpet. Photo: Penny Stephens IN A shifting, sliding world full of exploding volcanoes and crumbling governments, the 52nd Annual TV Week Logie Awards (Sunday, 7.30pm on Nine) reflected the words of that popular wartime slogan: Keep calm and carry on. As we, the audience, kept calmand by calm I mean we were tranquilised by hours of mediocre entertainment into a deep, soporific statethe Australian television industry carried on. And oh, what a carry-on it was.I hadnt ever watched an entire Logies ceremony all the way through until this one. Id always chosen life instead. But after hearing so much lately about how stale and meaningless the event has become, I thought to myself: there must be something good to be said about the Logies! Today, I can joyfully report back that, yes, there are definitely one or two things. Here goes ...One. The Logies really are outlandishly inventive. For example, most of us would be too intimidated by the English language to apply a word like glamour to this event, mainly because weve been taught that words are supposed to actually mean things.Looking at all the evidence sashaying in front of us, you or I might decide to describe it as teeming with collarbones, perhaps, or maybe even spray-tans, or uni-sleeves. But teeming with glamour? That just insane.And yet glamour is the very word chosen imaginatively by red carpet hosts and commentators of the Logies time and again. You can only be wowed by that sort of creative flair.Two. You cant deny Rosetta Stone outlet there a plucky, adventurous spirit to the Logies. Once again, most of us at home would humbly defer to the dictionary for matters of spelling, but during the in memoriam tribute, the Nine Network threw all notions of tradition out the window, favouring to spell the word as memorium instead of memoriam. Everyone understandably burst into tears when that word flashed up on screen. But were we grieving for our beloved, departed television stars, or for the future of spelling? It was hard to say.Luckily, we, the audience at home, also had some made-up words of our own to bandy aroundwords like LOL and WTF, both of which became increasingly useful as the show went on and on.So it wasnt until about halfway through that I finally started to understand the paradoxical truth of the matter; the secret that everyone else seemed to know already. That while you dont need to sit through the Logies in order to make fun of them, you really do need to make fun of the Logies in order to sit through them.But you mustnt listen to a word I say, of course, because there really were some nice moments. Accepting his Logie for most popular presenter, the brilliant Shaun Micallef managed to take the piss out of the award while at the same time appearing genuinely chuffed to receive it. That talent right there. It was also refreshing to hear most outstanding actor winner, Don Hany from SBS East West 101, thank the writers of the show and express in quite beautiful terms how much he loved his job.And despite a style that was occasionally lumbering, Bert Newton was a charming and natural host, as youd expect after the 100 or so goes he had at it. He was definitely the second-best thing about the Logies.

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